The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
