My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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