i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize