I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
