So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
