I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
