you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize