I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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