she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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