'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
