mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
