around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
