last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
