3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
