Christians are straight up FREAKS
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
