R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
