The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
