Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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