can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
