She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
