just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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