She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
