please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
