the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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