just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
