dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
