Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize