is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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