Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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