I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
