Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
