I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
