What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm really busy with my period
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