this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
