Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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