At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize