i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
