all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
