Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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