I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
