I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize