yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
