I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
