so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
