i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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