bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
