Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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