just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I CAN MOONWALK!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
