We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
