My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
