Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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