just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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