sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
