I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
