he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
