Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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