i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
