But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
