i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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