I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
