I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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