I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
