im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize