I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
