I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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