If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
