Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
