We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
