There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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