He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
