It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize