party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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